The Difficult Child: Expanded and Revised Edition

Stanley Turecki’s The Difficult Child was first published in 1985, offering insights into managing children with challenging temperaments. While it may have provided some guidance at the time, the book has not aged well. Modern parenting and psychological research have since evolved, rendering many of its approaches outdated and potentially harmful.​ 1. Outdated Understanding of Child Development Turecki's work categorizes children into rigid types, labeling them as "difficult" based on behaviors that today might be recognized as signs of neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD or autism spectrum disorder. Such labels can stigmatize children and overlook underlying issues that require professional attention. For instance, one reviewer noted that behaviors described in the book align with characteristics of autism, which were not adequately addressed at the time .​ 2. Harmful Parenting Advice The book includes recommendations that are now considered inappropriate, such as endorsing physical punishment. One passage suggests that a "smack on the rear" can be effective in certain situations, a stance that contradicts current child-rearing practices emphasizing non-violent discipline 3. Gender and Cultural Biases Turecki's perspective is criticized for being rooted in traditional gender roles and cultural norms that may not resonate with or be applicable to all families. For example, the book's approach may not align with contemporary understandings of gender and family dynamics 4. Lack of Empathy for Children The book's tone has been described as judgmental, labeling children as "mother-killers" and focusing on their perceived flaws rather than understanding their behaviors. This perspective fails to consider the child's emotional needs and the impact of the parent's behavior on the child 5. The Importance of Updated Resources Parents seeking guidance should turn to contemporary resources that are informed by current research and best practices in child development. Books like The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary and Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka offer more empathetic and evidence-based approaches to parenting.​ Jillian Turecki, daughter of the writer of the book psychiatrist Stanley Turecki, has openly discussed the complexities of her relationship with her father, particularly in relation to his book The Difficult Child. In interviews and podcasts, she has shared how her father's work, which categorized children as "difficult" and offered prescriptive solutions, deeply affected her personal development and understanding of relationships.​ In a conversation on the Modern Wisdom podcast, Jillian revealed that her father wrote The Difficult Child based on her own childhood, labeling her as the "difficult" child. She described their relationship as "extremely troubling," noting that much of her life was spent trying to find resolution with him. She emphasized that her father's brilliance was overshadowed by his struggles with severe bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, which complicated their relationship .​ Jillian's experiences have led her to advocate for a more compassionate and nuanced understanding of childhood behavior. She encourages individuals to examine their relationships with their parents, not to assign blame, but to gain insight into how these early dynamics influence adult relationships. She emphasizes that healing involves reframing past experiences and understanding them from a place of empathy and self-awareness .​ Given Jillian Turecki's personal insights and professional expertise as a relationship coach, her perspective underscores the importance of moving away from outdated parenting models that label children as "difficult." Her work advocates for a more empathetic approach that recognizes the individuality of each child and the complex factors that influence behavior. As we continue to learn more about child development and the impact of early r

The Difficult Child (2002) is a self-help book for the parents of children with difficult temperaments. While all children have characteristic behavioral quirks, temperaments are so deep-seated that they manifest in infancy and are usually retained for a lifetime. Since temperaments can be inherited, they are probably linked to specific genes. In fact, one behavioral trait -- high activity level -- in mice seems to be associated with a specific gene (along with other characteristics), but such traits have not yet been genetically identified in humans. This book concentrates on nine particularly difficult temperaments: high activity level, distractibility, high intensity, irregularity, negative persistence, low sensory threshold, initial withdrawal, poor adaptability, and negative mood. A child who exhibits some or all of these temperamental characteristics is usually not the child that the parents expected and therefore can be difficult to handle properly. High activity level is obviously wearisome for the parents, babysitters and other caretakers. Distractibility is often irritating since the child can't stay with one thing very long. High intensity refers to habitual loudness, which causes its own problems. Irregularity refers to confused circadian rhythms, which means the child is often not ready to eat or sleep at any fixed time. Negative persistence refers to lengthy whines and tantrums, drawing out every disagreement to the point of absurdity. Low sensory threshold refers to physical sensitivity to clothing, noises, colors, tastes and other sensory stimuli, leading to definite likes and dislikes. Initial withdrawal refers to timid reactions at first to new things. Poor adaptability refers to difficultly changing activities, clothing, or even locations. Negative mood refers to grumpiness, showing little or no cheerfulness. These temperamental types are particularly difficult for parents to understand or manage. At first the parents believe something is wrong with the child, particularly when the child cries at odd times, stays up late, and so forth. When their pediatrician states that nothing is wrong with the child, except maybe a little colic, the parents are mystified when this behavior continues for months and years. First, these temperaments are normal, although not extremely common. They do not indicate any defect or disease in the baby, just different ways of responding to the world. Once these differences are identified, they can be managed. Moreover, the child can be trained to control these traits to some extent by learning good habits. However, these temperaments are part of the child and so the child would be more comfortable in surroundings where these temperaments are known, expected, and allowed a certain amount of free rein. Of course, there are various ailments that can produce similar behavior patterns. Some of the more common are touched on within this book. However, the authors assume that you will have already had y

I can not even begin to express how much this book has helped our family. My son was difficult from the momement he came out of the womb. We had read numerous articles, lost tons of sleep, and felt that no one really understood our son or our issues. This book pretty much nailed the types of behavior we were facing. Wild tantrums, obstence, etc. We read the book and started applying the techniques. Being frist time parents we were a little inconsistent with our applicatoin of the system and were having some mixed results and starting to doubt our ability to be successful parents. However, my wife and I were convienced that this was the only book that we had found that really dealt with the behavior issues we were facing. After some discussion, we eventually called Turecki directly, spent an hour with him on the phone. Discussed our son, and Turecki's program. The results were amazing!!! Within a week we felt like were back on top of things and in control of our lives. Our son is still a challenge but we've learned the diffence between temperment and tantrums. How to recognize them and how to effectively deal with them. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is having trouble understanding why their child is acting up and needs insight into potential methods of dealing with them.

This is an excellent book for ALL parents, not just parents of "difficult children." The title might scare or offend some parents who are in denial, thinking that their child is not difficult. But ALL kids are difficult from time to time. This book give great, real-life examples - extremely helpful tips telling us what to do. And all this is to be done under a firm, but very loving manner. This definitely is one of the best parenting books out there. A must-read for ALL parents.

This book saved my relationship with my son. I read it when it first came out in '89 when my son was 2. He is now 12 and we still use the strategies in the book. I am excited to see that it has been revised. I work in a clinic for developmentally challenged kids and often recommend it to families when their child presents with termpermental and behavioral difficulties. It is a great resource and the stories are funny and heart warming. Parents will see themselves with these kids and know there is hope and help. Thanks!

The biggest thing this book did for me was to make me realize that I wasn't going crazy. I went into counseling thinking I couldn't cope as a wife/mother. I was blaming it all on my husband. Meanwhile my 3 yr old son was constantly hitting, kicking and throwing and not responding to any form of discipline. The pediatrician's office recommended this book. I saw my child in the pages...sensory sensitivity, moodiness, etc. And I saw myself...an overwhelmed, depressed Mom. This book gave me HOPE. We are finding out that there are "un-obvious" developmental reasons behind my son's behavior so the book is not totally applicable. However, the HOPE that this book gave me, made it a very worthwhile investment.